Q: How long can you walk around with a packet of mayonnaise in your hoodie pocket?
A: A little while longer.
Even more than this is interesting and insightful, it kept me on the same browser tab for as long as it took to read. I miss my attention span, but this is a great article.
Today I learned in physical therapy that my FEET don’t work right. The PT was like, “lift your arches,” and it was like he was telling me to wiggle my ears.
I guess these are things - developments - I missed out on by not being a terribly active kid? I played some softball. I took dance classes. But still, I have to re-learn how to use the muscles in my feet.
(And then there was a fire drill and the lady in the wheelchair was like, uh, sure, whatever.)
- Tanner: "In American writing, the Oxford comma is standard for all non-journalistic writing"
- Tanner: I don't know how I feel about that
- Jaime: "The Oxford comma can eat my taint."
- Tanner: i can't argue with the Chicago Style Manual"
- Tanner: except that I insist on adding errant quotation marks at the end of all my sentences"
The two non-circulating books I came to the slippery-floored main branch of the NYPL to read turn out to be pretty useless toward my research. I have googled tea suffrage -“tea party,” though, and am having some better luck.
If you come to the fancy main branch, btw, wear rubber-soled shoes. Slip slip slip. The fear of falling threatened to interrupt my haughteur as I clipped importantly past gawking tourists on my way to retrieve very important reference texts.
If the information I need is online, can I leave the library now and go get a gallon of hot chocolate from City Bakery? It feels like that sort of day.
Things are looking up with today’s research.
- Caller: Hello, I'd like to make a donation, but first I want to ask, do your projects provide birth control?
- Me: I'm not sure about all the specifics, but I know we do provide condoms.
- Me: You know, so people don't get AIDS.
Movie 2: Richard III, Ian McKellan version.
Three kinds of pineapple pizza.
Bacon jam should be done soon. Mists of Avalon is an extraordinarily horrible movie.
I need a nap. And a salad.
Does anyone else ever go into their Zappos “favorites” to visit items they are saving up for?
Meanwhile the chicken thighs had bones, whatever, and blood vessels, which burst mid-cooking.
At 8 this morning I was sitting like three rows back from four Brussels Griffons being judged at the Westminster Kennel Club dog show, so happy I could almost cry.
In six hours at the dog show we met Holly, a gorgeous liver-spotted Dalmatian who let us rub her belly (she is the 99th ranked Dalmation lady in the US); an Italian Greyhoud wearing a faerie necklace; a grey Affenpinscher named Jake; and Walter, a Boston Terrier who is my Valentine (he gave me kisses, after all).
I got home around 3 and Meg was crying weird, and I went into the bedroom and was like, oh, she found her old grey mouse toy, but she never had a grey mouse toy, and grey mouse toys don’t move. I ran back into the living room, and she followed me with her gift. I may or may not have run out into the hallway in my socks and, I will confess to you tumblr, called my super to help me.
I’d been up since way before sunrise and in desperate need of a nap, but how did I know there were not a million more mice in the bedroom, under a blanket on the floor, IN MY BED? So I napped on the couch.
When I was brushing my post-nap teeth I heard Meg crying strangely from the bedroom. I looked in and she was with another little mouse on the blanket on the floor. I shut the door, turned on the radio loud so I wouldn’t hear the squeaking, and Tanner got home half an hour later and is an excellent person, for handling the mouse and for not making me feel like a total pussy for not being able to handle this at all.
There don’t seem to be any gaps by our floorboards, but I’ll find places to stick steel wool anyway. And I guess I should be glad Meg doesn’t chew up her presents before presenting them.
New experiences, zoological diversity, I guess.
It gets so awkward when you’re icing near your bits, right? Sometimes I thought about putting porn music in the background to make it more interesting, but ugh that sounds so miserable I’m sorry!
That is an idea. Maybe some candles, too.
15 minutes on, 15 minutes off.
Your gemellus is a tiny muscle about two inches from your bathingsuit area. I mean, it’s in the technical bathingsuit area.
It is a tiny rotator muscle. It is what my new physical therapist things is the home of this persistent tendonitis.
15 minutes on, 15 minutes off. Make some crepes in the 15 minutes off.
When I was in elementary school there were two first grade teachers - Mrs. Greenapple and Mrs. Bloomgarten. For Halloween one year Mrs. Bloomgarten dressed up as a green apple, and Mrs. Greenapple dressed up like a garden in bloom.
Greenapple sounds like a fake name, but this is all what I was reminded of upon typing in the url for Applegate Farms’ website, so I can learn more about my lunchmeats.
I took a 13-year break from eating meat, and am a very different person now than I was last time I ate a rotisserie chicken, but one thing is still true: people who prefer white meat are totally crazy bananas.